Cadenisms ...

Caden is my three, almost 4 year-old son.  He's "precocious" to say the least.  The other day I read an article about when you should start to worry about your toddler's speech. I have an adorable nephew with a speech issue. Most of the time I have no clue what he is saying, but my sister can tell you with 98% accuracy what he said. It's the 2% of the time heaven help her if she or anyone else doesn't understand the poor kid, because he knows EXACTLY what he's saying ... the rest of us are just morons for not understanding him. 

He has no problem letting the rest of us know we are morons when he repeats the phrase multiple times ... with each repeat SLOWER and LOUDER than the last.  It's sort of like an American in a foreign country (I've seen this one first hand).  Everyone speaks English IN THE WORLD, right?  So, if you just speak slower and louder english everyone in the world understands, right? I think only Americans do this ... I've never encountered a foreign vistor to America speaking slow loud languages outside of English.  I digress ...

Moms clearly understand everything their children say, it's the rest of the world that needs a translation.  My "precocious" child has a vocabulary that rivals that of an Ivy League graduate ... or a sailor. Caden likes to talk ... all the time ... non stop.  For people who just meet Caden his chattering is "cute" ... for people who spend more than 10 minutes with Caden they look at me and say things like, "wow, he really has alot to say, doesn't he?"  This statement is usually accompanied by the statement, "does he ever stop talking?"  No, no he doesn't.  Yes, yes, it is EXHAUSTING listening to non-stop chatter. 

My grandmother is not so fond of his chatter because she's seen the "sailor" side.  ie: last summer my sister informed me Caden (in front of my very southern and proper grandmother who would not let us say the word shut up or fart in her presence growing up) shoved her beloved teacup poodle's chubby butt off the couch with the phrase, "get off the couch you damn dog!" I don't know where he comes up with this. We certainly don't use language like that around this house.  Stop laughing.

Not unlike my nephew with an actual diagnosed speech problem, or a slow loud english speaking american in a foreign land, Caden is quite convinced his words are accurate.  They aren't.  They are wierd. I worry.  Hence, I read the article, and for the past week I have been picking out some of his vocabulary that makes perfect sense to me wondering if he makes sense to the rest of the world.  In the name of "remember when", I present to you: "Cadenisms"

Aaisssun:  aka our dog, Addison.  As in, "Aaisssun, Aaisssun, get off the couch you damn Aaisssun!"

Orngen:  crayola refers to it as "Orange"

Pepeerinoni - aka, "I picked all the pepeerinoni off my pizza cause I didn't like the rest of it."

Annarana - Aunt Maranda

Hot Lava Springs - aka the place we are having our family reunion, Lava Hot Springs, Idaho

Carnoon Nebword: Caden's favorite television station ... I blocked it from the tv when I realized the snarky sarcasm was worming it's way into the vocabulary of each of my children's verbal sparring techniques.  They don't need any more suggestions. These two words are most often heard in the phrase, "Mom!!!  Where is da carnoon nebword?!?!  Did you bwock it again!?!"

Bideamin: aka, the little pieces of sugar candy (flintstone vitamins ... really? Jon thinks they are saving their very lives by having a daily dosing ... they could eat a gummy bear and have the same nutritional effect).  "Mom, gibe me my bideamin!  Hurry, I'm gonna get sick!"

Emerchin:  aka his 2 year old cousin, Emerson.  "Emerchin!  Stop it! Mooooooom, call the police to take Emerchin to jail!"

Owibia:  aka Olivia, the little pig cartoon

Kenyans:  aka, "I wanna watch da kenyans!"  WTH?  It stands for the movie, "Despicable Me ... the "minions"

Myneagrasswidahaead: ditto, WTH? Apparently its a key on the computer keyboard that he repeatedly points to and repeats in a slow loud tone until you tell him to go away.

Flowerboon:  aka the NASTY blanket he attached himself to as an infant that has circus animals on it he is insistent are flowers ... and we call blankets "boons" in our house (thank you Drew's stellar vocabulary skills when he started talking) hence, "flowerboon".

Stway: aka, "Mom, I need a stway!  Stway!  Stway!" A what? "Stway for my juice!"  Ahh, straw.

Cubbins:  "Mom, will my cubbins be at Nana's?" (cousin)

There are more, but this is all I can think of right now.  Unfortunately, he also says some delightful words with lightening precise accuracy ... some people might call his language, "gutter".  "Drew, I'm gonna slap you in your baaaaallllllsss!" followed by his own maniacal, hysterical laughter ... and most often screamed in large public gatherings so everyone in a 3 mile radius knows I am parent of the year.

When I had each of my children I gained another blessing.  As they age, I lose a little more pride ... daily.  I think all new moms need to learn the following phrase: "Who do you belong to?  Where's your Mommy?"  I use this phrase in stores when my children act like they need and have not taken their medication. I'm not claiming that mess.