SO, my little brother Josh decided to come visit from Chicago. His traveling companion is his adorable girlfriend, Marzjena (sp?), which my boys have decided they are all in love with. Watch your back Uncle Josh. Josh was here to see Kati's new little baby girl, and even had a spare day to come visit us in the land of the holy of holies, Saratoga Springs. I guess their original plan was to go to Zion for the day, but I suggested maybe all of us could go to Mt. Timpanogas instead. "SURE!" says Josh. He, like myself, had never had the experience of Mt. Timpanogas Cave. In the 21 years I grew up in Utah, I always knew it was there, but it was never on my parents radar so we never went ... by about mile .25 the reasoning was clear. Mt. Timpanogas, not unlike brussel sprouts, was something we never had/did at our house for a reason... gross.
My job was to research the situation making sure it wasn't to long of a hike to the cave, etc.. From the website:
"The only access to the cave system is by walking a strenuous 1 1/2-mile-paved trail, which rises 1,065 ft to an elevation of 6,730 feet above sea level. The round-trip hike and tour of the cave system takes about three hours. Mid-summer temperatures on the trail can reach 100 degrees F. However, temperatures in the caves average 45 degrees, so a sweater or light jacket is recommended. Hiking shoes, water, flashlights and sunscreen will make your visit safe and enjoyable.
Because of the steepness and incline of the cave trail, strollers and other wheeled vehicles are not allowed. Visitors may bring a baby backpack or carrier for hiking to the caves, but they will be asked to leave their baby carriers outside while they tour the caves infants in arms. No pets are allowed on the cave trail or in the caves.To tour Timpanogos Cave, our 70,000 visitors each year must hike the 1 1/2 miles trail to the caves, gaining over 1,100 feet in elevation."
MY translation: Okay, Josh can't take his dog Meeka, I can't take a stroller, no biggie I will get one of those Bjorn carriers and carry Bennett up the hill, 1.5 miles of hiking no biggie, 100 degrees will never happen the weather is cool tomorrow, the hike is so short all we need is water and maybe a bottle for Bennett and sunscreen for the rest of us. Simple. I apparently ignored the word, "strenuous, incline, and gaining 1100 ft. in elevation.
We entered Uintah state park, $6 please. Nice, $6 to drive to the Timpanogas visitors center. We then went to the visitors center to get tickets. Three adults, three kids (baby was free, that was thoughty of them) $37. Gheesh. This better be one nice cave. Instructions from the rangers, "here are your tickets, make sure you hang on to them so you can give them to the ranger when you reach the top of the hill, you can't get into the cave without these tickets. The trail starts there, don't start hiking until the ranger says you can go." My response, "wow, this hill looks a little steep, " as I stared at my 3 year-old and infant already squirming in his first "Bjorn" experience. "Oh yeah, but it is soooooo worth it!" They were rangers, apparently nature lovers, look who I was asking.
Trail head. We got a 10 minute lecture on the following: if you see a red line on the trail, don't stop hiking, it's a rock fall area, if rocks fall throw yourself into the side of the mountain and put your hands over your head, if you're under 16 stay with your parents, we're a national park, touch nothing, not even grass or leaves. Don't take said grass, leaves, flowers or the like out of the park. There are very steep areas, Stay away from the edge. Don' touch the cave walls. If you're carrying anything that has ever been in another cave, take it off. We're trying to avoid (some bat something or another that is killing the cave). Have fun."
I felt dumber for listening.
Let the hike begin. Everyone seemed in pretty good spirits, the incline wasn't horrible, there was a nice breeze. Bennett was getting a little squirreled up in his Bjorn, but not totally uncontrollable. Drew was bitching (nothing new, it's his new 13 year-old mantra, bitch until your parents tell you to stop). Bradyn was keeping up, Josh seemed part billy goat, and Marzjena was adorable holding Caden's hand. Then we hit about .25 miles ... after just having passed the, "the trail has a (whatever feet) incline from here on. If you have a stroke, heart condition, etc. stop now". This sign was obviously for the weak and frail. We moved on... 500 feet.
At this point Caden started complaining, which led to whaling, which led to him kneeling on the side of the trail insistent he could not/would not be hiking anymore. We all coerced him into "going on" and he crawled (yes crawled) 10 feet, got to his feet, walked 20 feet, at which point Uncle Josh took him by the hand and eventually put him on his shoulders. Caden was apparently a great motivator riding Uncle Josh's shoulders informing him to, "go faster," and "you can do it Uncle Josh". All 42lbs of him.
Bennett was now swinging into full on "bite my ass" mode. He was sweating, he was miserable, and this whole Bjorn nonsense was not going to work. Josh suggested we lose the Bjorn and strip Bennett down to get his sweating to go down. So, we strip him down to diaper and t-shirt, and lose the Bjorn. This meant that, yes, we were now carrying him up the trail. Josh took a turn with Bennett, Caden was on his own with Marzjena's hand. About 1000 ft more, Caden now falls to his knees, then in a complete Tony winning performance, sprawls tummy down, head in the dirt, right smack in the middle of the trail, "I caaaaaaan't do it ... gooooo without meeee!" I imagined our pioneer ancestry for a moment and realized if my crew had to "head west" we would still be stuck somewhere mid Nebraska being eaten by wolves.
We tried to goad and coax Caden to, "get up, get up now". People were walking over him now and a little embarassed does not quite accurately define my feelings. It was one of those moments resebling when Bradyn and Drew start acting like idiots at Walmart, or any other store, and I act like I don't know them and simply leave them 3 aisles back. They search for me, and I keep shopping. I only wished I could leave this kid on the trail. Josh finally tookd drastic measures. He took a dollar bill from the backpack and said, "hey, Caden, come get the dollar." Caden looked up, crawled 10 feet (again) rose to his feet, and as Josh dangled the dollar, Caden started to follow him screaming, "giiiiiiveee me my doooolllllar Uncllle Joooooosh!" I was trying not to pee my pants laughing. Fortunately Marzjena took a picture of Caden on the ground, (multiple times up the mountian) and the dollar chasing incident. The dollar chasing lasted about 1000 feet. The longest stretch yet.
At this point Drew and Bradyn were at their wits end. We were all tired, and admittedly, I wanted to cry and fall on my face mid trail with Caden. This was no slightly inclining periods of flat lands trail ... this was a straight up kill me now slice of hell with massive switchbacks. Poor Josh alternated between carrying Caden and Bennett when I was at the end. Bennett lost his cool 1/4 of the way up and started screaming. I mean really screaming. I was about 500 yds back and Josh had Bennett. All of a sudden I hear this scream! Seems Josh wanted to "cool off" Bennett so he dumped some water on his head and down his shirt. Let's remember Bennett is 4 months old. Bennett was not impressed by this trick.
The screaming alone was exhausting, the trail was from hell, and getting to the top all I could think was, 'this better be one hell of a cave." We FINALLY got to the entrance and Bennett was at his end. I managed to get his diaper changed, get him back in the Bjorn, and a bottle in his mouth. He seemed a little appeased so we could do this while cave tour. The cave was cool, interesting, etc. but the interest and cool of anything loses both when your 4 month old starts squeeling. I tried to either stay back or in front of our group of 12 (you are taken in by a ranger in specific groups) but the ranger was a little testy. Seriously lady, I'm not going to go running through the cave without ranger permission. She scolded me a couple times and told me to pease stay with the group. I finally said, "I am trying to let the group her your schpeel and that WON'T happen if they are listening to my screaming child."
The cave. I had imagined a cave. A cave with high walls. There were sections of high walls, then there were sections where I had to duck, and even partially get on my hands and knees (please, picture this with me, the screaming baby stuck in the bjorn stuck to the front of my body). The best part was I had an Ansel Adams wannabe right in front of me who with his gazillion dollars of photo equipment decided each piece of the cave was a moment to capture. No matter if I was on my hands and knees with a stalagtite sticking out of my head while he stood straight and tall in the next portion of the cave. It was all I could do to say, "hey, Ansel Adams, let's get moving here okay?" I maintained.
Finally, I hear Bradyn yell, "I see a light at the end of the tunnell!" Sweet relief. Bennett almost immediately stopped crying and fell asleep ... of course. The hike up was over, the cave was over, and now all was left was the 2 miles down. I walked down that mountain, the kids didn't complain, it was downhill, my little 17 lb extra load in the Bjorn strapped to my chest? He added a special stress on my thighs and subsequent knees as I trekked down the steep trail. Midway down my legs were shaking and I couldn't feel my knees, but I pressed forward. This was almost over. Mid cave I do remember looking at Josh and saying, "I think it's clear why our parents never brought us here."
We finally reached the bottom. I was sore, a little sunburned, alot grouchy, and my kids were rather quiet knowing at any moment one of the three adults in the car might randomly lose their cool. But, we did it. There were not t-shirts at the end ... and I think there should be. I survived Timpanogas ... with all 4 kids ... and I'm still here ... suck it.
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